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'09 Demo

by Black Jesus Constant

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1.
Holding 02:58
Crawl back to life through the strife of being kicked while you're down. Come back from a place where you were tied up and fed the table scraps of a sunken eyes man. He's hung up to dry now, he's out on the line between day's that have past and his own self detest. Remove your antlers, you won't need them from here. Let the color show through. Forget what was done. Find the greatest field and run. Pick flowers like friends because it's time. Spit the dirt from your lips, give your face to the sun. Your past ashes gone thanks to these days sung. I know now that your jeans were threaded with the thinnest parts of lonely, stichin' through to your heart -- cut the thread, come back. Come back. I let these days get the best of me, let 'em wear me out. Wished I could hold his throat to the wall with the weight he held against your mouth. And I see him now, playing saint at dusk. And in the darkness of the crowd I just hope that maybe... Maybe I can give him something to think about.
2.
Andrea 03:10
(Anything by Andrea Gibson) tonight i wanna slit my wrists hold the blood to god's lips and say taste this tonight i could swear even the man in the moon is a rapist and stars are nothing but scars bullet wounds from humanities drive by firing at the face of the sky tonight crying would be too easy it would please me too much and no i don't want you to touch me cause your hands are clean and i'm filthy guilty with the blood of something beautiful all over me i've been weak and leaking so much poison in all the rivers around me the fish are dying and the trees are vying for some light but i'm the eternal night writing rhymes about wind chimes and world peace while even in my sleep i'm fighting wars that grind the enamel off my teeth and i wake with my jaw clenched and my body bent thinking how many dishes have i broken this week? in an attempt to not break myself by taking brutal belt to my hide cause it's hard to wanna survive when i know if ghandi were alive ... he'd shoot me and all the great therapists of this world might say girl maybe your anger is good maybe your rage is you emerging from the cage of everything you've been so i try to be zen singing mantras of om mani padme hum but god fears me too much to hear me and my heart beats another kid in the candy store and his mother calls the cops and every time the clock tics i start tic tic tic talking more shit my voice sounding the crucifixion of everything holy i've got blisters on my tongue from pounding nails into hearts of prophets and just when i think i can stop it satan resurrects inside me and everything around me turns to hell last night i stole pennies from a wishing well to buy rope to lynch the last inch of hope from the planet from the planet and all because you have a new girlfriend and i can't stand it and i know it doesn't make sense i know we decided to be just friends but i didn't think we'd be just friends forever i mean... i wanted to be eighty together wanted to birth poems like babies together and watch them grow up save the world cause girl you're the only one who could ever raise the sun inside me and i swear the ground beneath my feet is only soft because you walk beside there were times i thought i was so lost even god would never find me and then you came up right behind me and kissed a cross onto my back and its things like that that got me going crazy cause i was thinking maybe the breaths we'd take together would make us live forever and now you're killing me look at me i'm dying not even trying to evolve when i wanted to be there forty years from now when the doctor called to say your mother might not make it another day and i wasn't gonna be just ok i was gonna be perfect was gonna make my love feel like the first time you rode your bike without training wheels kneel before you every day like there was no one else before you cause i've heard your heart beat like that breeze that could bring any violence to its knees and the best lines i've ever written i plagiarized every word from the thoughts of yours i heard while you were just sittin in silence staring up at mars but you never wish on shooting stars you wish on the ones that have the courage to shine where they are no matter how dark the night no matter how hard the fight and how now do i turn away from that light when i wanted to be eighty with you birth babies like poems with you and let them write themselves wanted to hold your heart to my ear like a sea-shell til i could hear the tides of every tear you've ever cried then build islands in the seas of your eyes so you'd see there's land to swim to hold your hand and say storms are born from the same sky we write hymns to when the sun shines sometimes it takes tempests to wake rainbows that will wind our pain into halos was gonna carve your name into my wrist so my pulse could kiss you was gonna love you so well i'd wake every morning and tell you things like this... bliss is the moments you're with me when your gone my life hurts like hell but i'll do anything to make you happy even if it means setting you free to be with someone else
3.
Does it feel like justice in the calm of the storm? When there are tears running down the jail bars of the face That decided you would never live to learn to be alive again. Your soul buried by his hands. Remember when you sold your hope for a history. Now you can be someone that you pretend to be. Brutal beauty is hard to reach when you can’t see That hope was all you had, and all you really need. Reflect on times when you still had the chance. Before you married into suicide. Sharpened the blades in your hands. Did you forget what happened to your old friends? Choked on words fead to them by terrible men. Good gods, make this painless. Because I know that we can’t end this. Good gods, make this painless. Because I know that there’s no justice. Remember when you sold your hope for a history. Now you can be someone that you pretend to be. Brutal beauty is hard to reach when you can’t see That hope was all you had, and all you really need. Make this painless. Take her away. Call her a liar a whore and a fiend if it’s what you’re looking for.

credits

released January 25, 2009

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Black Jesus Constant Houghton, Michigan

2006-2010
Trav, Dillon, Logan, Ray

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